She's dreamy

Wow! Fantastic! They are all gorgeous and beautiful women!

Idara Victor

my gf :-))) (I wish)

Quote from: Felipe on July 22, 2011, 09:51:18 PM

I cannot tell you how glad I am that I found this site. DAYUM, those were some fine women, particularly Kadra Ahmed Omar. I am trying to describe a particular beautiful black woman in my books. I intend to advertise here as soon as we get out of the financial woods, which will be soon but I have a question.

Can I put an excerpt of my book describing Naomi so that real black women can critique it? Any input would really be appreciated. Naomi was born of slaves, soon to be freed by the main character Juan Carlos Montoya, a Spaniard who falls deeply in love with her. Can I do this?

hi felix, welcome to lovin my sistas!  yes, you may do that.

Thank you Dawn, let me set the scene up. It is the year 1648, Mexico. The new colonies are very corrupt, men are routinely accused of crimes they did not commit so the viceroy can seize all of their assets, he is becoming a very rich man. Felipe Montoya, an honest fisherman and his father are falsely accused of piracy simply for the bounty. His father is murdered during the arrest, he kills a guard and escapes. Vowing revenge, he needs a crew so he frees slaves by killing their masters. In a bold and daring act, they steal a large warship anchored in port and begin taking their revenge. The bravery and devotion of the former slaves runs very deep as their wives have been raped, their children sold, and they have felt the whip. Their sons have grown up now and are following in their footsteps..

    They approached Jamaica on the leeward side then dropped anchor. Juan Carlos wanted to hunt some of the pheasant that abounded on the island. Making the shore, they agreed to meet back in a tavern, then Juan Carlos walked into the jungle.
    Naomi was a local girl, she was tall for a Jamaican woman. Her skin was a smooth, ebony brown. Born of slaves, she had been sent by her master into the jungle to gather mangoes. She had her basket near full when she heard a deep grunt behind her in the jungle. She froze in place, then slowly turned her head. A large male boar was sniffing the scent of the mangoes, studying her with his small eyes. His tusks were long, these wild pigs would kill and eat a person, she stood as still as she could, knowing their eyesight was very poor.
    The large pig came closer, she could see the bristles rise along the ridge of his back as he saw her. The boar charged so she dropped the basket and ran as fast as she could, hoping the mangoes would fill his appetite. The boar ran past them, squealing loudly as he charged. He wanted flesh and sensed that she was a female.
    Naomi screamed as she ran around a curve in the trail. The boar was gaining on her fast when suddenly she ran off of a bluff and there was only air under her feet. Flailing her legs, she fell into a pool of quicksand, sinking immediately up to her waist.
    She knew not to struggle as this would only make her sink faster. She felt the cold, wet  sand sucking her under, the foul smell rose to her nose. She began to scream for help, knowing that all of her family was far away working the cane fields. She continued to sink, she was up to her chest now and knew that she would soon die. Still she screamed as loud as she could.
    Juan Carlos stopped, the wind brought her cries to him. He ran as fast as he could also coming to the bluff. He stopped and looked down. She was up to her shoulders now.
    “Do not move!” he shouted at her.
    Naomi looked up with tears in her eyes, “Please kind sir, help me!”
    Juan Carlos ran down to her, then chopped a vine with his knife.
    “Catch this!” he shouted. He threw the vine to her as the sand closed over her jaw. Grabbing the vine with both hands, she held on as Juan Carlos pulled with all of his strength. She slowly came forward, Leaning her head back to keep her nose out of the foul smelling muck. Juan Carlos pulled her to the firm dirt of the trail, then helped her out and to her feet.
    Even covered with the smelly sand and mud, he saw that she was indeed a beautiful young woman. he especially liked the way that her dark eyes rose at the outside corners and her full, shapely lips. He smiled at her as she composed herself, wiping herself down.
    “I would hug you but I smell terrible.” she smiled at him.
    “What is your name pretty lady?”
    “My name is Naomi, and you are?”
    “I am Juan Carlos Montoya.” He smiled.
    Her eyes went wide, “Are you related to Felipe Montoya the pirate?”
    “Yes.” he replied, “He is my father.”
    “He is legend here among our people. Tales are told at night around the fire how he freed slaves by killing their masters. Even now, some hope to run away and join him, it is the dream of all slaves.”
    “There is no need to run away, I could purchase your freedom if you choose to join us.”
    “You would do this? You just met me.”
    “I have sense about people.” he smiled.
    “And what if my master will not sell me?”
    “I will offer to introduce him to my father.” Juan Carlos said.
    “That should do it.” Naomi said smiling
    “Come then, let us go and purchase your freedom.”
    They walked back through the jungle to the shoreline. Following it they soon came to a large plantation of sugar cane. Workers were in the fields harvesting the cane. Men chopped and bundled it while the women lifted the bundles onto a wagon being pulled by a mule. Naomi shouted and waved at them as they passed, “That is my mother and father.” she said to Juan Carlos, pointing at an older couple working in the sun.
    They approached a large white house with a porch covering the entire front of it. An older man sat at a small table drinking tea watching them approach. A young girl fanned him with a large fan made of thatched leaves. As they climbed the steps he leaned forward, “Naomi? Where are the mangoes I sent you to fetch and who is this?”
    They stepped onto the porch, “I was attacked by a large wild boar. When I ran away, I fell into quicksand and this man saved me.” she said, pointing to Juan Carlos.
    “Well, I thank you for that, would you like some tea?” he asked.
    “No, I have come to purchase Naomi’s freedom.” Juan Carlos said, looking him in the eye.
    “Out of the question, Naomi is not for sale. She is just coming into age, I intend to use her for a breeder and make a lot of money from her offspring.” the man looked away, sipping his tea, “Damn it girl! I am sweating! Fan faster!” he shouted at the young girl.
    Juan Carlos looked at her, she was maybe thirteen and she was sweating profusely from the work. Still, she forced a smile and began to fan faster. The look on her face said it all, she did not want to get a beating, Juan Carlos saw the fear in her eyes.
    “I did not ask you if she was for sale. I said that I have come to purchase her freedom.”
    The man looked at him and noticed that he had his hand on his sword, “Have a seat, please. As I said, she is simply not for sale.”
    Juan Carlos thumped his fingers on the hilt of his sword, “I will say this one more time, and only once. I do not abide by slavery nor do I follow the rules of the king. You will now name your price, any other words from you will be your last.”
    The man looked into Juan Carlos’s eyes, he saw something in them that sent fear into his heart. He swallowed hard, then looked at Naomi, “I will not be threatened on my own property! She is not for sale.”
    “Do you have a weapon? I do not see one.” Juan Carlos said, looking around.
    “What did you ask? If I have a weapon?”
    “Well of course you do not have a weapon, that would mean that you would have to have the courage and skill to use it. I am Juan Carlos Montoya, the son of Felipe Montoya. I hereby free all of your slaves, I will pay for them with your blood.”
    He drew his sword and with one swift stroke, cut the man’s head off. It rolled to the edge of the steps as the young girl covered her mouth and stared with wide eyes. Juan Carlos took a few steps, then kicked the head far out into the yard. Then he turned and walked off of the porch toward the field telling Naomi and the girl to follow him.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that I found this site. DAYUM, those were some fine women, particularly Kadra Ahmed Omar. I am trying to describe a particular beautiful black woman in my books. I intend to advertise here as soon as we get out of the financial woods, which will be soon but I have a question.

Can I put an excerpt of my book describing Naomi so that real black women can critique it? Any input would really be appreciated. Naomi was born of slaves, soon to be freed by the main character Juan Carlos Montoya, a Spaniard who falls deeply in love with her. Can I do this?